" Hysteria" preformed by Muse:

It truly was my conscience decision to come here. Even though the hotel we were protecting Alicia Grant in wasn’t on the other side of town, it still wasn’t a hop, skip, and a jump either. So in other words, I had time to think as I walked.

I was disturbed, Leo saying that I had the right to kill him was out of line. How dare he act as though he was the one in pain. He had no idea. None. And therefore had no right to speak to me like that. His repentance meant nothing to me.

Well...that was just a little too harsh. That is why I was disturbed not because I had confronted the man who had killed my parents yet again, but that he seemed diffrent. Leo had grown, owning up to what he had done, and recognizing that he had hurt people in the process. And here I was wallowing in my sorrow, bent on primal revenge to the point that I almost lost sight of myself and why I had chosen a career in law enforcement.

Yes, I was disturbed. Disturbed and angry and grieving. Yes, I was grieving and yes I walking to the one place I knew I would find solace.

Even though I walked there purposefully, I still walked in a haze. I didn’t know what I was going to say or even if he was awake. Still, I walked, my concerns and grief easing a little the closer I got. I was at his door before I knew it and knocking before I even registered that I had lifted my hand. I heard the grumble and the shuffling of feet and knew that I had either awaken him or just annoyed him in general, and even though he snapped and made a snide remark as he opened the door his features abruptly turned to concern once he laid eyes upon me. Damn I must look like hell.

I walked in without waiting to be offered and I went directly to his shower, I could feel his eyes on me and all the questions he wanted to ask. I ignored him, didn’t even look at him. I just made my way to his shower with a pair of his pajamas under my arm. The shower helped much more than I thought it would. No, that was a lie. It wasn’t the shower, it was being in Dee’s home. Dee’s presence and the comfort I knew he could give me.

He was sitting on the edge of his bed idly twisting the antennae on and off of his cordless phone. He informed me that he had called Diana and told her that I needed some time to myself tonight. I nodded and thanked him for the use of his shower.

" It was Leo right?" it wasn’t a true question, " He got to you again."

I almost wanted to smile. Dee was the only person who knew me this well. I wondered why I had fretted over what I was going to say and how I was going to explain why I was here. My pain didn’t need an explanation and Dee didn’t try to say he understood. He just sat there and let me say my peace. He let me release my feelings and in doing so made me realize that he needed to know the truth as to why I came here and not to my own home, which was only a few blocks away.

" I wanted to see you," I couldn’t get much blunter than that. I saw a slight raise of his eyebrows, but he said nothing he just reached over and embraced me.

This wasn’t the first time we had embraced one another, however, this was much more...intimate. He wasn’t trying to force anything or make more out of the moment. I appreciated that and even though I could stifle the sound of the sob I couldn’t hide the way it jerked my body. Dee gripped me tighter and kissed my forehead and even as he made his way to my lips I still knew it was just a simple loving kiss. A kiss that said it was alright to cry, that he was here for me, and most of all that he loved me. I was overcome with emotion, this was what I wanted. I wanted Dee to show his true feelings and not just pounce on me like I was some lose prostitute. This was...no is what I wanted, a warm, gentle, caring Dee. Even though I appreciated the fact that he respected me and my emotions I was determined to show him that I still wanted more than just a friend’s shoulder to cry on.

I tried to project that when I kissed him back. Tried to show my willingness and my passion, my gratefulness and my desire. I slowly fell back careful to keep my grip on him just strong enough that he would follow me down. I hit the bed softly and was startled when Dee parted lips and just held me. I arched up and pressed myself to him in a silent plea to be closer to this gentle, loving Dee.

Dee looked down, a softness in his eyes that I had never seen before. He tilted his head and asked quite sweetly if I was okay with this. In all actuality he was really asking if I was prepared for this. The answer was no, I have never been with a man before and I was nervous as all hell. The answer was yes, that if I was to completely hand over my heart and body to anyone it would be him. I whispered my answer at the same time surrendering everything.

-End